There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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