Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You left your phone here
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