If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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