So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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