Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
