That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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