it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
