i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
