I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
