Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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