I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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