thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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