just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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