So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
