break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
