sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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