Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
