If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
