Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
