dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
