i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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