How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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