I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
