she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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