I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
A+ Viking dick
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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