she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
