the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
