Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
