There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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