Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
