If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
