hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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