Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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