OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
