Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
