She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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