I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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