A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
ok first of all what the fuck
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
