I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
