so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
