Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I want to fling myself into the sun
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
