Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
