dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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