You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
