you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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