He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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