I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.