Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
