I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this boner is exhausting
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
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So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it