Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?