That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.