I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.