I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap