sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.