I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
