I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
