Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
