I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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