apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
