My friends, they love my intelligence
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
