fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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