he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
