i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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