Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
