why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
