You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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