Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
