i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
should my penis look like a turkey
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
