im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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