The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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