one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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