its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
