get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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