Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
