I bet he comes in French.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
