I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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