You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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