my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
