that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
