I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize