She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
