wat bout pragnant strippers??
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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